I got an email from a reader who expressed similar frustration with the convoluted EA return process for faulty Rock Band instruments (his was a guitar), and realized that he was experiencing the same issues that I was during my replacement process - poor communication by EA.

Time is a valuable commodity, so in an effort to save you yours, here are the simplified steps to completing a replacement request to EA. This is entirely undocumented and is first-hand knowledge, so read carefully and save yourself some headaches.

1. If you completed an RMA request online, do NOT update your RMA ticket for ANY reason.
According to 2 EA tier 1 representatives I spoke with, simply asking any information about where your item is moves your ticket back in their processing queue. This WILL delay your shipment. There is nothing in their online documentation that indicates this. Again - simply asking where your items are, or a status update, will delay your processing.

2. Your UPS Number is meaningless.
You may get an email with a UPS number, giving you hope that your item was quickly processed. This is not necessarily true. EA apparently processes labels without placing their shipments for pickup, so it may be several days (one reader told me it was 2 1/2 weeks) before it is actually shipped. Rely only on UPS's website for status.

3. Supervisory help is on the West Coast.
East coast callers should note that you are calling into the customer support tier 1 center, and no supervisors are available until 12 noon PST. If you have to call for a supervisor (I did 4 times), it is on your dime, so make sure to call when they are around. I was told I'd have one call me, and that never happened.

4. Expedited shipping is a waste of time.
The only thing you are paying for is expediting your ticket placement in their queue. The wizard misleads you into thinking your item will be turned around and in your hands in 2 days. This is not true. It's 2 day shipping versus ground once the order is completely processed. It will take the same amount of time to process the request.

5. If you paid for 2 Day handling, cancel the authorization, even if you don't have your item yet. Use a credit card, NOT a debit card.
EA will not get this right. Trust me on this. You are on the hook for the over 28 day charge, even if they delay your processing. I asked over 6 times among 3 different supervisors if I would get credited the time in their delay, and no one ever replied. Protect yourself and advise your credit card company of the issue, and cancel the pre-authorization. Hopefully, you have not used a debit card, because you've got different problems (they actually deduct that cash from your account).

So, how did my return end?

Last I left off, I got excited about my drums finally arriving. Well, they did - but they were Playstation 3 drums.

I immediately notified Customer Support that I got the wrong drums (via RMA update, which as we all know now is bad). I was promptly answered by another agent who apologized, then cancelled my first RMA and reopened a new one for the right drum set. I did not know what to do yet, so I waited for this RMA to be completed before sending back the incorrect drums.

2 days after the second RMA was opened, I checked their support page and my RMA was cancelled without notifying me. Annoyed, I called EA support. A gentleman advised me that their IT department had executed a script that incorrectly updated the status of open RMAs. Incredulously, when I asked about the time being applied against the 28 day window, I was then advised to just send back the PS3 drums to clear up the RMA. Bear in mind, I still had broken Xbox 360 drums sitting in my bonus room.

It all smelled fishy. I opted to wait to send the drums back, knowing that I had some leverage now with a working PS3 drum kit that they wanted back.

I finally got the right drums back. So, I began packing the PS3 drums right away, and started packing the broken Xbox 360 drums - only to find that I had no return shipping label for them.

So, this starts a Sunday call to a supervisor. The supervisor advises me that I was to keep the broken 360 drums (yes, for my inconvenience, I received a useless, space-consuming plastic toy) and just ship back the first mistaken drums. But wait, I protested - how do I know EA will not still charge me for a set of drums not received? At this point there was no telling which set was the one they wanted back, so I wanted to send BOTH back. The supervisor said he could email me a PDF copy of their shipping label, and I told him once I got it, I would send both sets back. He asked for 24 hours to take care of the shipping, and offers to void my pre-authorization to ensure that I will not be charged. Satisfied, I hang up, expecting him to deliver what he said.

I should have known when he emailed the ticket without details, that I would be in for more trouble.

48 hours passed and no email from anyone with anything. So, having enough, I called AGAIN for a supervisor. This is when I learned that their supervisory offices do not open on East Coast time, but a rep told me he could have one call me.

Another 24 goes by and no call. I've had enough now. I packed a set of drums and delivered them. They have been received now. Careful readers will look at the last statement and know what I'm talking about.

As one reader put it "Thank god the game kicks ass.". Indeed, because EA is not interested in keeping you with their stellar customer support.

I want to hear about your horror stories with EA also. Share them here or by email.